The love I have for you comes attached with the pain you caused. I now understand that time doesn’t heal wounds; it just makes them hurt a lot less.
But that pain you caused manifested into hate, then one day I realized that hating you was hurting nobody but me. So, I chose to forgive. First, I forgave myself for the blame and guilt I placed over my head when the only thing I did wrong was love you. Then, I forgave you for putting me through hell, watching me cry and scream as the flames engulfed me.
I wanted you to feel the pain I felt so damn bad. I used to stay up late at night, trying to conjure different scenarios of how I could accomplish my goal. But I knew that was the hate within me, turning my insides to dark matter, attempting to scratch the surface of my soul.
So, I let it go.
I was able to breathe without the tightness in my chest, no more sleepless nights, and I was able to genuinely smile again.
I had moved on.
Now, you’ve learned and understood the error of your ways and how your actions have created your own hell, equivalent to the one you left me to endure. The flames grow the more you comprehend what you’ve done and believe it or not, it hurts me to watch as you cry and scream my name in your inferno.
Enjoy your fiery pit of embarrassment and shame as the air burns every breathe you take. Bask in embers that crack and boil the chambers of your heart. Trying to run now, will only make things worse.
Don’t try reaching out for me now. That rubble of ash I was left to brush off made me strong enough to know that I can love you and also watch you suffer. I’d be a damn fool to walk with you into the hell you created for yourself.